Isolation
by sassukeuchiha
Summary: kabuto deals with loneliness... this is sort of just using kabuto as a way to project my feelings of loneliness onto something.. its edgy tm.,,, rated m for violent themes
Kabuto is not a dignified person. He is a sad, twisted, demented, lonely person. He craves all the attention he can get, to the point where it is deathly unhealthy. Occasionally this lust for affection and attention has resulted in attempts at his own life, although he can never go through with them. _What happened if it actually worked and I would have to be alone forever in death,_ he would think to himself. The thought of being _actually_ alone was too much for him to bare. He was weak and relied on hope and dreams.

Kabuto was an orphan, Orochimaru was the most "parental" figure he ever had for a long period of time. He started off admiring Orochimaru and his jutsus and his techniques. Kabuto was enthralled at the thought of getting to see such an accomplished ninja do his work. Slowly Kabuto became stuck to Orochimaru like a leech. _Instead of being thirsty for blood, he thirsted after attention_. He needed it from Orochimaru more than anyone.

Over time his need for any little, tiny bit of affection from Orochimaru grew into a lust for him. Kabuto was obsessed with him because he was the only one who ever gave Kabuto sufficient attention. He started to come on to Orochimaru in subtle ways and would never leave the other mans side. Orochimaru never acknowledged these exhibits of interest from Kabuto. He saw him more as a son than as a lover.

Kabuto was used to being alone but he always had a dream that one day someone would love him back and save him from his absolutely miserable existence. It was how he kept himself going everyday. The only way to combat his terrible conscious. Deep down inside Kabuto knew he was destined to be alone. He knew even if someone did show him the tenderness he craved, he would end up cutting himself off from them. He knew he would be unable to accept those feelings because he didn't believe himself to be worthy of such fondness. _Kabuto hated himself._

Orochimaru never brought up Kabuto's strange behavior around him, but it was clear he was aware something was going on. Kabuto became very attached to Orochimaru and would say such _dirty_ things to him. The lust Kabuto harbored for Orochimaru wasn't real lust. It was more of an infatuation or an obsession. It was the result of years and years of neglect.

 _As much as Kabuto wanted the attention. As much as he thought he needed it, he wasn't going to get it._

Kabuto would cry himself to sleep some nights as he began to realize his true situation. It was his destiny to live only to serve Orochimaru. It was his destiny to never gain a true romantic partner. _It was his destiny to never be truly happy._ His poor heart emptied even more than before. Kabuto didn't even have the energy to try and show his love for Orochimaru.

He carried on his days as an empty boy. One cannot justify calling a person like Kabuto a man. _Men are strong and dignified. Kabuto was weak and pathetic._

Sometimes Kabuto would have a moment or two where he was happy. He could smile maybe for an hour and forget about all of his sorrows. Of course they always came back. Eventually Kabuto stopped thinking. Everyday blended with the next. He still wanted that attention but he would never ever get it. There were so many people he could talk to now, he had friends but none of them satisfied him.

Nothing could make him happy or fulfill him. He hoped someone would kill him. Times are rough.

 _Kabuto laughed a bit as he looked at the cup of liquid next to him. Impulsively he had laced his own drink with a fatal poison. He had already taken a sip and could feel the his limbs going numb. He smiled but as the poison started taking affect he could feel a sense of dread filling up his body. After the first bloody cough he began to panic. He didn't want to die and be alone like that. After the second bloody cough he was crying and begging god to spare his life. After the third one he called out to Orochimaru. By the fourth cough he was unconscious, Orochimaru saw the scene and was frozen in shock. Unfortunately it was too late for the stupid boy. Orochimaru shed tears over the dying Kabuto. Unconsciously Kabuto coughed a fifth bloodied cough, and that was it. He was dead. Truly alone this time. Isolation even he had never experienced._

He woke up and looked around. Everything was the same as it was when he went to sleep the night before. Kabuto sighed and looked up at the ceiling unable to muster up enough energy to drag his body out of the bed. Everyday started this way. Everyday ended this way. He closed his eyes to go back to sleep. He would rather dream about dying then have to live his ugly existence. Living wasn't enjoyable.


End file.
